Hey everyone I'm sorry that I have been missing in action for so long. I have had to take a break from my blog and several other things for the last few months. I have been battling a very bad bout of depression and anxiety. I have had issues with both pretty much all my life off and on but while I was on an antidepressant for the last few years I had been doing pretty good even through some of the very hardest times in my life like the death of my mother several years ago. But several months ago without asking me anything about it the pharmacy switched the Paxil CR that I was taking out with the new generic form of it Paxil ER. Now I did ask about this at the time but I was assured that it was the exact same active ingredients and that it should be fine. Well I thought everything was fine at first I didn't really feel any different and it was a lot cheaper 10 dollars verses 60 for the brand name with my insurance so I decided to keep taking it. Well I was fine until back in late Oct. when I found a lump in my breast. That worried me greatly as breast cancer runs in my family really badly. So I went to the doctor and they scheduled me to have an ultrasound and mammogram. But the waiting for it was very stressful for me and I started feeling very anxious and nervous all the time however I thought it was just because of the lump and it was normal and that it would go away if everything turned out fine. 

Well after the mammogram they said they didn't think it was anything to worry about and I was so relieved about that! And I thought I would get to feeling back to normal in a few days! I was happy about it being nothing to worry about in my breast so I didn't understand why in a few days I was feeling much worse instead of better. I was still depressed and the anxiety was still there and worse than it was before. I got to thinking maybe it was the generic Paxil ER wasn't working like it should. So I called the pharmacy after talking to the pharmacist and asking several questions he said that it could be the difference in the inactive ingredients in the generic and the way that the medicine was pressed together when they were making it that might cause it not to release the same way in the system as the brand name. But he also said that they couldn't even get the brand name Paxil CR anymore from their distributor. After calling another pharmacy and hearing the same thing from them I got discouraged and gave up thinking that if two of the biggest and most popular pharmacies in town couldn't get it then none of them would be able to. And I know you are probably thinking ok why didn't you go to the doctor. Well I would have accept my doctor is actually out on maternity leave since November and I didn't want to go to see someone else who knew nothing about my history etc. and to try to see if I could tough it out and if it would get better on it's own just taking the generic a while longer. But it didn't and I continued to get worse despite everything that I tired. So about three weeks ago I decided to give it one more try because I was still suffering very badly with depression and so nervous I couldn't stand myself hardly so I called Walmart pharmacy and they said they could get the brand name Paxil CR for me, they would just have to order it! So I asked them to please order it and they called my insurance and told them that the generic wasn't working for me and that I needed the brand name and were (thank the good Lord) able to get it for me. So I've been taking the Paxil CR for about three weeks now and I'm still having problems big time and side effects like I just started taking a new medication almost, but I know that antidepressants have to build up in your system before they start working and it says that you should see results within 4-8 weeks after starting the medicine. So I'm praying fervently that in the next week or so that I will start to feel much, much better. If the generic wasn't working for me at all I guess it is like I was actually not taking anything hardly for months and I didn't even know it. So maybe it is like I am just starting to take Paxil CR again to my system anyway.

It has been a very difficult time for me and my family. But God has gotten us through so much already and I know that he will bring us safely through this as well soon! I can not thank my husband Scott and Stephen and all my friends enough for all of the support that they have given me during this trying time. I will get better because I have so many good things to live and fight for! I would like to ask that you please keep me in your prayers if you would that I will get well and over this soon.

I just wanted everyone to know what happened to me and why I just suddenly dropped off the map like I did. I debated about posting anything about this at all, but then I thought that there is a possibility that others might be helped by knowing what happened to me and avoid the generic antidepressants that are control released because they do not work the same as the brand name ones and you don't want to have a relapse like I did. If I can help one person by posting about this then it will be worth it.  And at the risk of sounding like a commercial I am going to say that Depression is not just being blue and feeling down it is a very debilitating and horrible illness and should never be taken lightly. It can be accompanied by severe anxiety and other symptoms that you wouldn't think of as being depression maybe at first. So if you or someone you know has depression or you think they might - do go (or have them go) see your doctor and get help. There is light at the end of the tunnel and life is too short to waste it feeling bad. :)